Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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