We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
