she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
