I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
