You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
