My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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