I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
