There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
