weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
