DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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