did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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