time to smoke my breakfast
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
