You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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