can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
