My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
