thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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