Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
