New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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