john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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