So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
