...so i touched it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
