im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
