Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
