In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
