I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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