Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
