no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
