I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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