i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
