i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
