i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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