I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
