Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
