if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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