no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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