Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
