So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
