u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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