Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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