mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Quick, to the slutcave!
someone owes me an orgasm
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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