I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
