I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
