4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
