Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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