We won't sleep together?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
