i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
