Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
