dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My bed smells like the plague
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
