In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
