Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my being single is dangerous.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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