Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
