Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
whose parrot is this?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Floor bacon is actually really good
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
