There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
