And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
