yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
