Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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