I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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